Saturday, August 27, 2011

Things Are About To Get Political Up In This Joint....

Let's do political bumper stickers! Inspired actual bumper stickers I've seen. Most of them are going to be offensive, because I don't know if I can do this without being a little bit biased. But I'm a blogger, not a news station. So I'm going to be as biased as I ****ing please. I hope you still like me after this. Now sit back, relax, and prepare yourselves for your daily dose of liberalism.

Nobody Knows I'm [Insert Your Faith of Choice Here]-- It's self explanatory. This bumper sticker is a variant of the famous "Nobody Knows I'm a Lesbian."

Pray for Obama (Quran 49:13)-- Come on now, guys. I've seen this bumper sticker (and countless variants) so many times, it's not even funny. I looked the Bible verse on the sticker up in two different versions of the Bible to ensure accuracy (because I hate it when people quote mistranslations of the Qur'an), and the verse reads: "Let his days be few, and let another take his office." So, not only does a person with this bumper sticker not like Obama's politics, but they also want him to die. Looks like the makings of another Lincoln assassination, methinks!

Apparently, Jews are Smarter Than All Your Honors Students-- You know who I like? Jewish people. You don't see the Jews getting their knickers in a knot over some stupid bumper stickers. I don't want to perpetuate any stereotypes here, but how many Jewish people do you see sitting at home printing absurd bumper stickers that are specifically designed to disagree with other bumper stickers!? I don't know any.

Oh, and by the way, at least a quarter of the bearded guys you're stopping at the airport and checking their trousers for bombs are probably Jewish. Just saying.

I Work Hard to Support My Fellow Americans Whether They Speak English or Not-- This could be parodying like, any bumper sticker. But this one really made me want to kill babies (oh God, I am funny. *slaps knee* That was a joke. No, wait, please don't leave yet! Come baaaaack!). Anyway, really America? Really? Because I work hard to support people with disabilities, people who came here (bless their little hearts) for a better life only to find that they're only allowed to do jobs that nobody else will, people who made one bad choice and are now doomed to regret it for the rest of their lives, and people with terrible luck. You could say I'm a nice person.

I guess there are just too many idiots out there for me to tackle in one post. So do you guys want to see more bumper stickers? Or are you about ready to call the NRA to teach me a lesson? Let me know! Oh, by the way, if I offended anyone or you want to hear an explanation of my thoughts here (which, I'll admit, were semi-incoherent), you can let me know that too. Remember, I've got a no-Nazi policy. :)

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