Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Things That I Think Probably Shouldn't Exist

This would be a really long list if it weren't for the fact that nobody likes a blog post that's a total downer. Actually, that's probably something that should be on this list....

  • Boxes of popsicles that have a disproportionate ratio of "good flavors" to "bad flavors." You can't even buy Root Beer flavored popsicles without also getting Banana and Lime. That makes the ratio of bad flavors to good flavors 2:1. I mean, seriously. In this crazy, messed-up society, a girl should be able to get Root Beer flavored popsicles without having to worry about whether her sister has just left her with a box full of Banana flavored ones.
  •  Telemarketers. This one goes without saying. This is a transcription of an actual conversation I had with a telemarketer not two days ago.
ME: Hello?
TELEMARKETER (TM):  Hi, this is [censored for the sake of not embarrassing this telemarketer, because I'm sure the majority of my readers are telemarketers *sarcasm hand*] from DialAmerica and I was wondering if you'd like to renew any magazine subscriptions today.
ME: *thinking* What are you talking about? I don't have any magazine subscriptions! *speaks* Um, I don't think I have any magazine subscriptions. 
TM: Well, we'd just like to thank you for your kind donation to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society today.
ME: *thinking* What the hell?!? I didn't donate any money! *speaks* Um....okay? 
TM:  Well I'm just calling to tell you that thanks to people like you, we raised over 50,000 dollars for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society this year.
ME: *thinking* I thought you were calling to sell me magazines! *speaks* Oh, um..... thanks?
 TM: You're very welcome, ma'am. Now I'm also calling to let you know that we're having a very special offer today. You can subscribe to all your favorite magazines and we'll ship it directly to your door, free of charge. How about "National Geographic?"
ME: I don't think I'm interested in buying any magazines.
TM: Well, what about "Smithsonian?" 
ME: I don't want that either. *thinking* Please hang up.
TM: What about "Discover?" 
ME: Um, I really, really don't want any magazines.
TM: ......What about "Cosmopolitan?"
ME: *bursts into a fit of maniacal giggles*
TM: *laughs along like he gets the joke* *long pause* Uh..... bye. *hangs up*
I only have one thing to say to this: Hide yo children, hide yo wives, 'cause they telemarketin' errything out there.

  • Hand dryers in public bathrooms. These things are completely absurd. Do you know how disappointing it is when you pull your hands out from underneath the hand dryer (which, by the way, makes a monstrously loud sound for what it actually does), and your hands are still completely wet? Ugh. Worst. Thing. Ever.
  • People who try to imitate foreign accents but really just end up embarrassing themselves. You see this all the time with people trying to imitate British accents, especially at the Harry Potter themed parties and movie premieres which have been in abundance these past few weeks. It's absurd. The worst is when people go "Brih-ish!" with a huge guttural stop in between the two syllables. Especially if they do it with a high-pitched, squeaky voice. As if that makes them sound more British. That just makes me want to punch my fist through walls. 
  • Teachers who don't ever fully explain the assignment.  Actually, teachers in general annoy me. They always pair you with the most obnoxious kid in class, they give too much homework, they complain about their students to their students.... The list goes on. But it really annoys me when you ask a question and they don't give a straight answer. The point is for you to learn, not get more confused.
OK, now I want to know what annoys you guys! What really drives you up the walls? Let me know! And since this post was kind of rambly, tomorrow I'll write a post about stuff I love. Leave ideas for that in the comments, too!

1 comment:

  1. I had a teacher like that. Just...eh. I'd ask a question and she'd give me half an answer. How is that helpful?!
    And when she does something mean she always says "At least I don't ___" or "I'm not as strict as Mrs. _____." -.- Glad that school year is over.